Hobby

When I get bored I become kind of......... surly. Throw out a fun idea? I'll shut it down. Ask me what I want to do? I'll sass you in response. Offer me a cookie? I don't want it. Boredom is vicious and it makes me act like an idiot.

I recently attempted searching the internet for "fun things to do" and I was inundated with websites, blogs, and posts describing fun date activities and fun things to do with a bored toddler. Although I may act like one sometimes, I'm not a toddler and as far as I know, I'm not going on a date tonight. Hmph.

My mom has tried extremely hard to get me addicted to a hobby so that I would have something fun to do during the down times in my life. We tried everything. Drawing, painting, baking, cake decorating, needle point, knitting, scrap booking, and the list goes on. My parents even got me a Wii so that I would hopefully become addicted to one of the games and have something to do when I was bored. Unfortunately none of those things kept my attention for very long. Video games stress me out, artsy things frustrate me, and I'm just kind of hard to please.

Sometimes when people are trying to get to know you better they ask what your favorite hobbies are. That implies that you have more than one hobby to choose from. When they ask me, I usually say that cooking is my hobby just to avoid explaining that I am bored a lot and I haven't found a hobby yet that I love.

People make hobbies look like so much fun, whether it is collecting stamps or painting model planes. I wish I had a hobby that I could enjoy. There is something in my brain that stops me from focusing on any hobby-like task I attempt. It's the same roadblock I face when I try to watch a movie. The best way that I can explain what happens to me is that I don't want to tune out my mind and focus on something completely unrelated to my thoughts. Watching movies makes me feel anxious because I feel like my life is passing me by while I sit like a zombie staring at a glowing box. Is that weird? Probably. I'm anything but normal.

I would love to be able to zone out while knitting or drawing. Maybe some day I will? Maybe in the future I will be able to tune out my thoughts? Maybe when I'm older I'll be able to conquer my boredom?  I'm just grateful that each day keeps moving and with each day comes life. I'm grateful for being alive. I'm grateful that God has gifted me with a life that tells a story. So far my story has been quite eventful, despite the recurring boring days. I guess boredom is alright. Perhaps God is using the boredom time to heal me or help me grow. I can't imagine that there is a moment in any of our lives in which "nothing" is happening. God is too great for that. I wonder what He's up to right now.

Love,
Charlotte