Florida

Good morning friends!

My Facebook is gone and I have more to say than ever. Brace yourself.

In 40 days I will be arriving in Florida for a Spring Break vacation with my Mom. For as long as I can remember I have loved the sunshine state. When I was young we took family trips to stay with my Grandparents in Sarasota and we also stayed at the Polynesian Resort in Disney World periodically. Try as I might, I can only conjure up a few negative memories of my time in Florida, and most involve tragically weeping the night before we had to fly home.

Seeing my grandparents in Florida was an unrivaled joy of my childhood. Although I suffered intensely from motion sickness in airplanes (my poor parents...) it was always worth it to be able to  run into my Grandpa's arms, blab to Grandma as she guided me in lots of crafty endeavors, and smell the freshly blooming Double Delight roses in the front yard. My siblings and I would ride bikes around the circular driveway for hours, draw silly pictures for Grandma and Grandpa, try to catch lizards on the front porch, and use the gigantic yellow binoculars in the Florida room to look for dolphins in the bay. When night would descend I can remember skipping around outside in the balmy beauty of twilight before we left to eat dinner at one of our regular restaurants: Bangkok, Phillippi Creek, or DaRuMa.

In Florida, dusk wasn't a time to be sad. It was a time to get dressed up and bicker about which kids got to ride with Grandma and Grandpa to the restaurant. I was often overwhelmed with my love for that place and the people I was surrounded by. To this day it remains my favorite spot in the world, and those memories are the best I can conjure. What a blessing it was to have such a magical destination to look forward to every year.

From conversations with my siblings and cousins, it's safe to say that it was a favorite place for all of us while we were growing up. Although typically my memory is slightly shoddy, I can count on my Florida memories to remain vivid for a long time to come. They are so lively and full of grace and love.

40 days from today I will be landing in the sunshine state. It seems like forever and it seems like no time at all. I think I'm a Floridian at heart, just like my Grandpa was. Who knows what the future holds, but I pray that in my lifetime I can create memories as breathtaking for my grandkids as my family made for me.

I hope you all have a wonderful Friday! Dwell on some good memories today - it will make your heart strong.

Love,
Charlotte

So Long

Good evening.

The pastor at my church wrote a book called "Satisfied" and his current sermon series is expounding on the text. Last Sunday he talked about how comparison can turn us from content and grateful people to envious, discontented people. He mentioned that Facebook is a blaring means of comparing yourself to others. I know this to be true, at least for me. I'm in the process of shutting down my Facebook account for good.

I want to be happy. I want to see the abundance of what I have. I don't want to compare myself to you, and I don't want you to have to compare yourself to me. I'm so used to going right to Facebook when I turn on my computer or my phone. I wonder how I can change for the better by leaving that facet of social media behind....

By the by, have you noticed how cold it is outside? My goodness. The Middle City is a very chilly place right now. I can't wait to enjoy above-freezing temperatures once again. I can't wait for spring! Running water, green grass, trips to the dog park. For now Tank and I will have to make do with a frozen tundra and sub-freezing temperatures. At least he and I are really good at being cozy. He's so tiny that a furry blanket can be used as a snuggle fortress. I'm so glad I bought an electric blanket. Even with the blanket turned up high, it sometimes takes two hours for my toes to get warm. Just like my beloved Grandpa, Pliny Marcena Keep, my circulation likes to halt halfway down my leg and leave the toes out on their own.

It's no secret that I hate winter, but this time around I'm way more mentally and emotionally stable. Although I despise the cold and the extra darkness, I can make it through, because my brain is functioning better than it ever has before. Sometimes, though, I can't shake the memories of winter nights growing up when I would just start to weep when the sun went down. I hated night time and the darkness it brought. It was my worst time depression-wise. It still is. But now I pull the curtain shut tight, set all my lights a-blazing, brew some tea and snuggle with my perfect little Papillon companion.

My attempts at keeping my spirits up at night aren't always successful. I still have dark nights where I can't see past the pain in my chest. But it seems like the odds are in my favor now. God has walked me through the dark and lonely valley of young adult mental illness, and now He is leading me into a peaceful middle ground. He is letting me rest. What a gentle and loving God we have. I pray that you will continue to grasp His hand as you journey forward, on whatever terrain He has called you to traverse. It is well worth the journey.

Love,

Charlotte

Harmony

Good morning my friends.

How are you doing on this frigid day? Tank and I are still snuggled in bed due to a 2 hour delay at school. Although I realize that little delays like this set our academic schedules aflutter, the luxury of staying cozy for a little bit longer is always a wonderful blessing. As I'm sure you've already guessed, I am kind of obsessed with animals. Perhaps this obsession has resulted in my desire to lounge in bed all day like my feline and K-9 friends. They just look so cozy!

A couple days ago Tank was down for the count with a cold. He wasn't interested in eating any of the tempting snacks I created for him. The most alarming thing that happens when he is sick is that he stays in my bed and doesn't follow me around. I'm used to hearing his jingling collar behind me after every step, and it was slightly spooky when he stayed behind in my room all day. I felt terrible running errands while he laid in bed feeling miserable. I can only imagine how it will affect me when I have a sick child one day....

Tank's cold only lasted one day, thankfully, and now he's back to his crazy self. For being such a tiny little guy, he certainly enjoys romping up large snow hills and forging paths in epic snowdrifts. Yesterday he attempted to climb a steep snowy incline to no avail. His little legs were jumping in the snow but he didn't move an inch. After laughing at his expense for a moment, I picked him up and tossed him to the top of the hill. He looked so proud of his accomplishment. What a nut.

I've realized that, as a dog-loving introvert, my greatest plans for the weekend involve never leaving the house. I absolutely love spending days with Tank, working on homework, and making my cozy room even cozier. Compared to my immediate family, I'm kind of an extrovert. Compared to most people in the outside world, I'm a mole. I'm really grateful that it doesn't take much to make my weekends enjoyable.

On the other hand, the social side of me (miniscule as it may be) sometimes protests my hermit activities. Seeing as how I don't have an excess of readily available friends in the Middle City, I usually have to stifle the protests. I believe I will make real friendships here eventually. Right now though, I'll have to keep my eyes peeled for kindred spirits. I pray that you too, will run into somebody that strikes a chord of previously unsung harmony with you. There's a symphony of harmonies and melodies out there, all written by our Heavenly Father. Let's discover them.

Love,

Charlotte

Scoff

Good morning friends.

How exciting it is to be over half way done with January! This scholastic semester has finally begun to settle down for me, so I'm aiming to resume more frequent blog posts. I'm happy to be writing again.

Today I work my third training shift at my new job. I'm thrilled to be collecting a paycheck once more. Makes me feel like less of a freeloader. The work is not too complicated, but fulfilling nonetheless. Along with the job, I am taking an intro to Chemistry course and another German course. Last semester I was fighting off doubts about my commitment to the Chemistry major, but now that I have begun re-learning the basics of Chemistry I'm happy to report that the doubts have been banished. I will put off doing other chores and homework just to study and get ahead in my Chemistry book. I enjoy it.

Tank loves it when I do Chemistry as well. I typically sit on my bed amidst all of my papers and he snuggles up close to my legs and snoozes. Win win. From my two years of Chemistry in high school, I remember how complicated this course of study will become within a matter of months. I'm relishing this time of easy memorization and calculations. It feels therapeutic.

I'm so glad that God led me to begin Chemistry at this point in my life. I'm still recovering from the traumatizing mental illness fiasco of a couple years past. It has been very difficult for me to cut myself some slack and accept that I'm just not the same as everyone else. I am unable to take more than a few classes at a time because I need to keep focused on maintaining good mental health more than progressing through college in a quick manner. It's tough. People find out how much "free time" I have and scoff, as if I'm leading a life of secret luxury while they slave away over textbooks.

That couldn't be farther from the truth. I would love to take a full load of classes and have a part time job just like everyone else. The fact is, though, that my brain isn't like everyone else's. I've tried taking on more classes and the added time and stress makes me shut down. I can't explain what is happening in my brain, but I can confirm that the outcome is real. The reality is that I have sought treatment since my early teens, and still, today, the disease can cripple me. Mental illness doesn't become "cured" no matter how much treatment you seek. It can only be managed throughout a lifetime.

I pray that soon America will reduce the stigma attached to these miserable illnesses of the brain. You are too important in God's plan to be caught up in the lies and judgements of the ignorant. Embrace whatever makes you different. Embrace others who stand for love and justice. Embrace someone you know who struggles from a mental illness. Trust that God will soothe them through your touch.

Love always,

Charlotte

Passport

Good evening friends.

I apologize for the lack of posts lately. I won't give reasons or excuses because who really wants to hear those? The important thing is that I'm here, writing to you. I have returned to the Middle City from my trip home for the holidays. It's good to be back, but I miss my family immensely. I hope your Christmas was love-filled.

I came back here in order to begin training for my new job before the next semester starts. It looks like I have a few more days to wait until my first scheduled shift so I'm going to be busy trying to keep busy. Although it is nice not having a job or school to worry about for a couple days more, I will admit that I'm not good at filling empty days. I'll be praying for guidance as to what I should do, because goodness knows I can't even amuse myself for 10 minutes.

Today I was searching for my passport and social security card in order to make copies of them and submit them to my employer. I tend to lose important/expensive items and thus my Mom has affectionately dubbed me, "A Loser." Aware of my shortcomings, I constantly try to put important things in a place that I will remember. I knew my passport, social security card, and surplus checkbooks were all hiding in one spot together, because I'm a genius and I pile all the important stuff in the same place so that when I lose one thing, I lose all the other things as well.

I knew my passport was somewhere in the Middle City. I was sure of it. I've only lived in two places here and I turned each place inside out looking for it. It was nowhere to be found. After searching through my purse all over again I decided that it was high time I called my mom to complain. I knew for a fact that she had no vital information regarding my personal affects, but there is something strangely comforting about complaining to my mother. I explained my misery and she in turn said that my sad tale made her want to call someone else to complain to them. That made me laugh. I still had no social security card or passport though.

I have been obsessively watching the old TV show "The Closer" and I've noticed that Detective Johnson has a certain look that comes over her face when she unlocks the mystery of a certain crime case. Earlier today I was praying that God would give me that moment of understanding regarding the whereabouts of my stuff. After I hung up the phone with Mom, I was blessed with that moment. I remembered that I had surplus storage in an obscure upstairs room at my last residence that I had yet to completely move out of. I rushed over and was utterly relieved to find my passport with my security card tucked inside.

When losing stuff feels like your job, having an important find like this is a BIG DEAL. I felt like alerting all the world leaders to organize a day of feasting and celebration! Thank the Lord I found everything.

I realized that I hardly ever pray to ask God help me find something I've lost. I have always wanted to avoid becoming someone who fails to talk to Jesus daily, but is quick to ask for His help when it's needed. I think somehow I manipulated that idea in my mind to make me feel like I shouldn't ask for His help when I need it, regardless of the circumstances. Just because I don't want Him to think I'm using Him. Good gracious. It sounds ridiculous when I write it all down, but it's true.

I'm going to pray tonight that we use the strength and intelligence God gives us to seek Him first. I will pray that anyone else who feels the same way as I do ,will no longer balk at asking for help, but will turn to Him daily and accept His comfort.

Love,
Charlotte