Scoff

Good morning friends.

How exciting it is to be over half way done with January! This scholastic semester has finally begun to settle down for me, so I'm aiming to resume more frequent blog posts. I'm happy to be writing again.

Today I work my third training shift at my new job. I'm thrilled to be collecting a paycheck once more. Makes me feel like less of a freeloader. The work is not too complicated, but fulfilling nonetheless. Along with the job, I am taking an intro to Chemistry course and another German course. Last semester I was fighting off doubts about my commitment to the Chemistry major, but now that I have begun re-learning the basics of Chemistry I'm happy to report that the doubts have been banished. I will put off doing other chores and homework just to study and get ahead in my Chemistry book. I enjoy it.

Tank loves it when I do Chemistry as well. I typically sit on my bed amidst all of my papers and he snuggles up close to my legs and snoozes. Win win. From my two years of Chemistry in high school, I remember how complicated this course of study will become within a matter of months. I'm relishing this time of easy memorization and calculations. It feels therapeutic.

I'm so glad that God led me to begin Chemistry at this point in my life. I'm still recovering from the traumatizing mental illness fiasco of a couple years past. It has been very difficult for me to cut myself some slack and accept that I'm just not the same as everyone else. I am unable to take more than a few classes at a time because I need to keep focused on maintaining good mental health more than progressing through college in a quick manner. It's tough. People find out how much "free time" I have and scoff, as if I'm leading a life of secret luxury while they slave away over textbooks.

That couldn't be farther from the truth. I would love to take a full load of classes and have a part time job just like everyone else. The fact is, though, that my brain isn't like everyone else's. I've tried taking on more classes and the added time and stress makes me shut down. I can't explain what is happening in my brain, but I can confirm that the outcome is real. The reality is that I have sought treatment since my early teens, and still, today, the disease can cripple me. Mental illness doesn't become "cured" no matter how much treatment you seek. It can only be managed throughout a lifetime.

I pray that soon America will reduce the stigma attached to these miserable illnesses of the brain. You are too important in God's plan to be caught up in the lies and judgements of the ignorant. Embrace whatever makes you different. Embrace others who stand for love and justice. Embrace someone you know who struggles from a mental illness. Trust that God will soothe them through your touch.

Love always,

Charlotte